Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize