We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
