last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
