i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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