I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
