Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
