I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
