I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
