oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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