just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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