wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
