i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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