I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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