I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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