I can tuck mytits in my pants
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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