I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
