My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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