so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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