We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize