this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
