Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
