i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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