I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
