Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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