It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
