Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
