me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
