when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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