idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
