Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
