meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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