well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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