we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
