his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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