i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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