he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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