all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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