The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
