Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Randomize
