Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
