I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
