hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
