Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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