Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
