I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
