i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
