"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
