If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
