I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
