I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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