Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My dick has a subreddit
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
