I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
