sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
