It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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