If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
