people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
