I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
