I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
