There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize