had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
