oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
