My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
